Thoughts before a fight

I open the door, put my keys on the cupboard and throw my backpack on the small chair in front of the make-up table. Then I connect my new camera with the laptop since I had taken some pictures for the blog when I was in the city and have to upload them now. While the device does its work, I have time to empty my backpack: New toothbrush, some postcards and my Thai language books. I put everything into place and sit down on my bed.

I stare on the opposite wall and take a deep breath: Thai classes are done for today, I bought everything I needed and had lunch. Everything I had to do is done, now it is time to relax in order for me to be focused and recovered for tonight – it is, after all, fight day. With my headphones on, listening to the rhythmically, fast sounds of electronic music, I look back on the preparation for this fight. I trained as much as possible, I did not skip one session, I did not quit with the excuse that I was hurt. There is nothing I could have done more - no excuses, no blame.

All the hard work is done - time to watch the others train

I am happy that I can fight again tonight and I am also already excited to step into the ring, to face my opponent, to stare each other down, both with a slight grin on the face. Fighting is such an awesome experience; it is unique! I have done rollercoasters, freefall towers, paintball and bungie jumping – but nothing is comparable to the feeling one gets when facing another man one on one in a fight. It is a huge adrenaline kick when you jump from the top of a tower, hoping that the rope tied to your legs will save your life, but there is a difference: You do not have any control over what happens. The only thing you have to do is to convince yourself to jump and then enjoy the rush of hormones and chemical messengers in your blood.

But fighting is different: You decide what happens! You do not only decide to get in there, but you make the decision not to quit again and again. With every punch that lands square on your nose, with every knee to the stomach that takes away your breath, with every minute the fight lasts longer and you feel like there is no more power left in your body and with every second your opponent is pounding the shit out of you, you have to make that decision again: Fight or flight?

You could quit, you could simply tap, it is not a fight for your life since it is something you do voluntarily. But you do not. You accept the pain, you take the punches and you fight back. For weeks and months you stood up every morning with aching muscles, trained twice a day, got to bed early, followed a strict diet and got hurt and dominated in training.

And then you climb over the ropes, knowing that you worked hours and hours and hours and now you will have only a couple of rounds to realize the benefits. So much work and now you want to quit? It is not worth it. The way was too long to get here. You did not quit when you were at the gym, then you will not quit when you are inside the ring.

Sometimes, on the bad days, I ask myself: Why do you do this Felix? Is it worth it? All this pain, all this exhaustion, all the sweat, all these tasty things you cannot eat, all the nights you do not spend on a dancefloor or drinking in a bar with your friends because you have to get up early the next morning for training? Is it worth it?

And then I touch gloves with my opponent, I hear the cheering crowd, feel the raw canvas under my feet and start to trade punches with my opponent. Then I know that it is worth it. Then I feel how much I love this sport and how much I enjoy it to fight. It is not even so much about winning; that is just the cherry on the top of the cake. For me, fighting is the ultimate challenge. When I fight, I cannot hide. I show all the people my skills – everyone can judge me. When there is a guy, trying to knock you out there are no excuses.

And there is no reason to be afraid of stepping in the ring: Nothing can happen to you that is worse than what happens to you in the gym. The everyday grind and what your teammates do to you while sparring is much harder than fighting.

But fighting is more fun.

Fighting is pure awesomeness.